Real Movie Review-Movie Reviews, Movie Quotes, Movie Trivia

Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Alec Guinness, Anthony Daniels,
James Earl Jones

Director: George Lucas

I don’t want to overstate this by being overly generous in my praise of this well-known Lucas effort, so I will restrain myself and just say that it one of the greatest movies of all time and it re-defined the science fiction genre and has influenced adventure movies ever since.
Lucas chose the simple story of an evil empire trying to stamp out the final resistance to their rule of a solar system far, far away and a young farmer (Hamill), hungry for adventure, who finds himself involved through his desire to rescue a beautiful princess (Fisher). He is aided by a mysterious mentor (Guiness) and a charismatic smuggler (Ford), as well as couple of personable robots, known as droids. This group has to overcome legions of enemy troops, a space station with frightening powers, and Darth Vader, one of the most well-known, and imitated, movie villains there is.
If you haven’t see this movie, then congratulations on finally making parole; now go rent it! One of the classic cinematic efforts of the last fifty years, but, of course, I don’t want to gush like a cheerleader, so I will show restraint in my praise.

Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Alec Guinness, Anthony Daniels,
James Earl Jones, Billy Dee Williams

Director: Irvin Kirshner

Some fans consider this sequel to be even better than the original. I don’t agree, but this is a very good sequel. Most of the previous characters return and their stories continue to unfold as new characters emerge as well, many of whom, like Yoda and Jabba The Hut, have come to represent Star Wars as much as the others.
The film opens at the rebel base on the ice planet of Hoth and moves quickly into new storylines of Luc continuing his training and Han’s past catching up to him, while the Empire chases the rebels and builds a new Death Star (Oops, that’s not until next movie, but the Empire is doing evil Empire-like things….you get the idea). The story has an exciting high altitude climax and finishes with a ‘to be continued’ cliffhanger ending.
This is an excellent sequel and pleased most Star Wars fans upon its release and continues to today. If you missed it due to a 27-year space mission, your first move after splashdown should be to rent this one.

Starring: Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Anthony Daniels, James Earl Jones
Billy Dee Williams, Ian McDiarmid, Frank Oz

Director: Richard Marquand

This was the last and weakest of the first three Star Wars episodes, but it is still a very good movie with lots of the same qualities that made the first two great. It is still a clear good versus evil plot with well-drawn characters whose personalities shine. There is lots of action and a pretty good ending.
The story starts with Luke, now apparently a fully trained Jedi, confronting Jabba about getting back his carbon-frozen buddy, Han Solo with the help of a few familiar friends. Meanwhile, the Emperor and Darth Vader are speeding along the construction of a new Death Star. Would it be nitpicking to point out that in the vacuum of space, that the shell of a major construction project should probably be finished first? If you see a half finished car, is it completely done up to the back door? Really, that is pretty silly. Lucas originally intended to set the ground confrontation on the home world of the Wookies. That was a good idea. Instead, I’m sure he got marketing dollar signs in his eyes and could only see lots of toy Ewoks being sold all over this world. Some people like them, I guess. I don’t. They are silly and childish. Now give me my word processor. I’m going home.
I love Star Wars and I like this movie, but every time I watch it, these same things annoy me. I have three doors to choose from; don’t watch it, seek therapy, or bitch. I choose door number three, Monty.

Director: Roland Emmerich

Starring: James Spader, Kurt Russell, Alexis Cruz, Mili Avital, John Diehl, Carlos Lauchu, Djimon Hounsou, Jaye Davidson

Director Roland Emmerich made this underrated sci-fi classic from a script he wrote with Dean Devlin. The effects are good for the time, but unlike Emmerich’s work since, they enhance the film, rather than overpowering it, as they do in his Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow, projects. The refreshing story bogs down in some slow spots, but is wonderfully imaginative and fun to watch and has spawned not one, but two television series. Spader and Russell are superb in the lead roles of men with wholly different values and styles, who are drawn into conflict.

Stargate opens up with a the 1920’s discovery of a large arch shaped object during an archeological expedition in Egypt. It is kept secret by the military who are unable to completely decipher its strange markings over the next 70 years, until they bring in an academically gifted but critically dismissed whiz kid in the form of Dr. Daniel Jackson, played by James Spader. He manages to unlock the secret of the arch (it would be a pretty short movie if he didn’t) and is soon accompanying a small military unit lead by Col. O’Neil (Kurt Russell) through the stargate to what appears to be another planet, inhabited by…..humans? The newly discovered civilization resembles that of ancient Egypt, but there are a few differences… Look for a very cool supporting role by Jaye Davidson (The Crying Game surprise).

This film seems to draw a “love it or hate it” response from viewers. I love it. Stargate is first and foremost, a very good story, that will appeal to science fiction fans and those interested in Ancient Egypt, and alternative history works. The script is well-written and well performed, and, in contrast to most features of this genre, is surprisingly understated. It doesn’t tell you too much and doesn’t go too far. If you have missed it and don’t think every science fiction film should be taken up in the next shuttle launch and jettisoned into space to free us from them and their nerdy fans forever, then this is a pleasant way to spend an evening.

Director: James Cameron

Starring: Ed Harris, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, Michael Biehn, Leo Burmester, Todd Graff, John Bedford, Kimberly Scott.

The Abyss is an original and impressive action/adventure movie by a big budget master, James Cameron, who also wrote the screenplay. There is a strong cast playing well developed characters, and an outstanding story that offers excitement, suspense and wonder. The production values are spectacular. It probably would have benefited from a sharper editing knife, but this only seems to take effect on subsequent viewings and as for the science and believability, well, did I mention the outstanding story?

Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio play Virgil and Lindsay Brigman, a separated couple leading commercial divers working on an underwater work site, who find themselves asked to help in a rescue/salvage mission of a mysteriously sunken submarine. A small band of Navy Seals, led by Lt. Coffey (Michael Biehn) are sent to guide them, but things get a lot more tricky when a hurricane and an accident sink their underwater base, cut them off from contact and give them a limited time to find a solution or die. That’s still not all their problems, though! Other issues soon arise, as well…

The making of this ambitious movie was riddled with problems and the strain led to a breakdown for Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. The results are pleasing for armchair spectators, though. The Abyss is James Cameron’s most underrated work and I hesitate to make comparisons to other films out of fear of ruining the many surprises that this feature packs. If you have seen it, then you don’t need me to tell you what its like. If you haven’t, then its an excellent Friday night choice. Stick with the theatrical version. Its more than long enough. The extended version is wayyyy too long, and really detracts from the impact of the original.

Director: Colin and Greg Strause

Starring: Steven Pasquale, Reiko Aylesworth, Johnny Lewis, Ariel Gade, Kristen Hager, Ian Whyte,

Sometimes being a movie reviewer is a hard road. I never saw Alien versus Predator when it was released in 2004, because, well, I didn’t have to, and who would see a movie like this if they didn’t have to? I wasn‘t a reviewer then. Fast forward to the 2007 sequel. Now it’s my job to take the hit on movies like this. I didn’t complain. I just set my jaw, rolled up my sleeves and marched in, ready to take some of the worst cinema I had ever seen. Surprisingly however, this movie was not all that bad. Sure, the muddled story requires that you remove the word ‘why’ from your vocabulary, and there is some pretty bad dialog, but these shortcomings are partially offset by some very impressive visual effects, which figures because the directing duo of Colin and Greg Strause have their backgrounds in providing visual effects for movies like 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer and 300. They manage to build up a little tension and keep the film moving at a pretty good pace.

When a Predator piloted ship turns out to have an Alien on board (is this the ending from the first one?), mayhem ensues and ends with the ship crashing to Earth. A few of these cuddly drool machines leave the Predator corpses on board and set off to find some more things to slobber over, and kill. Some kind of long distance video link allows another Predator guy to see these events unfold from his home planet, and, faster than I can get a pizza on New Year’s Eve, he has flown to Earth to single-handedly kill those nasty chest crackers, as well as any humans he happens across. Meanwhile, ex-con Dallas (Steve Pasquale), returns to the tiny forest town where all of this takes place and meets his old buddy, Morales (John Oritz) who is now sheriff, and re-unites with his kid brother, Ricky (Johnny Lewis), who is having problems of his own. There is also a returning G.I., Kelly (Reiko Aylesworth) and her family. Yup, there are too many subplots going on here, especially for such a weak story. They probably should have just piled on some more action and kept the rest simple. Anyways, before long, there are plenty of body parts flying around as the two E.T.s battle each other, and every human they see. Soon, all our intrepid little crew can do is try to stay alive. But don’t worry, the National Guard is on the way…

Let’s get ready to rrrrrrumble! It’s an interstellar bout between two heavyweights and the octagon is Earth. Let your logic go to lunch, and you may be able to enjoy this visually superb action fest, but be warned, if the original movies for these guys didn‘t appeal to you, then this one certainly won‘t..

Aliens Versus Predator – Requiem – movie quotes:
Movie lines from Aliens Versus Predator – Requiem
“See? No monster.”
“Hey! People are dying. We need guns!”
“That’s crazy. The government doesn’t lie to people!”

Director: George Butler

Starring: George Butler

This incredible, true science story was made and released on Imax, but I saw it on DVD. It is straightforward and, while interesting, it has limited entertainment value for those with little interest in the Mars Rover project. It is short and I felt that more could have been included and an effort could have been made to use more of a ‘storytelling’ approach. As well, writer/director/narrator George Butler could have used celebrities or strong personalities among the mission team, to create more interest. his choice, however, was to create a simple documentary, which is fine for space race fans, but of limited interest to others.

The feature tells the story of NASA’s Mars Rover mission, which saw the construction of two incredibly complex robotic vehicles (The total technology involved in the rovers exceeds the brain capacity of any one person – best useless fact of the film) named ‘Spirit’ and ‘Opportunity’ and sent them to the surface of Mars, where they landed successfully in the summer of 2003. There is extensive footage of the surface of Mars, where both carefully accurate CGI and actual Rover footage, is used to give the viewer a nice visit to another world. Amazingly, the planned mission of 90 days has now gone on for over four years and continues to this day. They don’t tell you that in the film. I became curious and looked it up for you guys.

This documentary is an excellent choice for educators and for those with an interest in the space program. Many others, who are less academically curious will not enjoy it and should steer clear. If it is your cup of tea, then check out the special features, as well. They share alot more interesting information.

Director: Michael Bay

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, Jon Voight, John Turturro

Well, to be fair, let me start out by saying that I am not in the target demographic for this film. It seems to be aimed at the 8-15 crowd and those who still buy toys and claim that they are ‘collecting’. So, bear that in mind and take my views with a grain of salt, because it appears that Michael Bay is our first serious entry in the 2007 Golden Toilet Award, for producing the most expensive piece of crap of the year. The effects are great, but lose their appeal wayyy before the final credits roll. The dialogue ranges from the occasional funny quip to self-important unintentionally funny drivel. The story…well, it’s based on the Transformers, so the story is, of course, ridiculous

Shia LaBeouf is Sam Witwicky, an uncool high school kid whose first car is determined to help win over the school Hot Girl, (Mikaela, played by Megan Fox). This would seem to be kinda strange behaviour for a Camero, until Sam’s beater turns out to be an intelligent alien robot disguised as a car (I could have used one of those in high school). It seems that several of these impressive techno wonders have come to Earth. Some want to find a lost techno artifact (kinda their Mom if I followed the story, right) that will give them universe ruling power. The other bunch of them consider us humans far too valuable to be harmed in any battle for interstellar domination and have come to protect us and destroy the cube. I think I heard that this was based on a true story.

Okay, okay, I have been harsh. All that was missing here were cereal and toy commercials. This is a 50 million dollar Saturday morning cartoon. There is little here for adults to enjoy, though the high-end action content will appeal to some. The end result is Independence Day punched up with a few jokes and crossed with Christine (the killer car Stephen King flick). Its set up for a sequel, but Transformers 2 will be on Cajun Carl’s ‘to watch’ list. I did my share. I guess it’s suitable for fathers looking to spend some time with their sons, but I think there are better choices out there for that too.

What is this? A fourth paragraph? MMM NEVER does a 4th paragraph (I’m too lazy). Well, I guess I do when I have something to add. Maybe i was too harsh on this one. People who grew up watching the cartoon seem to enjoy it, so lets add that to the reccomended viewers list. If you liked the cartoon, then chances are you will like this.