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Director: Michael O. Sajbel

Starring: Drew Fuller, James Garner, Ali Hillis, Abigail Breslin, Lee Meriwether, Bill Cobbs, Brian Dennehy,

Well, this was a surprise. I picked this film up as a new video release not realizing that it was from the Fox Faith Collection – a Christian film. Oh well, I thought, I am a reviewer. How bad can it be? Not all that bad to be honest. The acting is uneven, with some of the unknowns struggling, while the old pros like Garner, Cobbs and Dennehy are as skilled as ever. The dialog is wooden and stilted in spots, but I’ve seen worse. The story, which is based on Jim Stovall’s novel of the same name, is manipulative (big surprise there), but is fairly engaging once it gets going.

Drew Fuller’s inexperience shows itself from time to time, as he plays Jason Stevens, the spoiled grandson of a deceased billionaire whose expectations from the will are put off while he is led through several tasks designed to make him a better person. Along the way, he meets and befriends a young girl named Emily, played by Abigail Breslin just before Little Miss Sunshine hit the theatres and made her a big star. Her mother, Alexia, played by Ali Hillis. The production values here are Hollywood quality, though both the script and the acting could have been improved.

Well, I have seen a lot better and much, much worse, so if you are attracted at all by the idea of seeing a spiritually based film, then this is not a bad choice. The whole thing kinda plays like a dramatic, spiritual version of Brewster’s Millions, though I have to say that I still prefer the Richard Pryor and John Candy choice.

Director: Kevin Munroe

Starring: Mikey Kelley, Sarah Micelle Gellar, Mako, Patrick Stewart,
Mitchell Whitfield, James Arnold Taylor, Nolan North, Laurence Fishburne,

The rental box for this piece of crap should be stamped with a large warning label: ‘For Children Only. May cause vomiting and suicidal thoughts for adults’. Except, of course, that the film’s violence has earned it a PG rating, so I’m not sure if parents would choose this for their kids, either. Well, the Turtles are back in a movie that looks so much like a video game that all it needs is the Sony PS3 logo. The acting is fine with such names as Patrick Stewart as villain, Max Winters and Laurence Fishburne as the narrator. The story is kindergarten simple and the dialog is on a par with the most mediocre Saturday morning efforts. There is less action that you would expect to find and the jokes don’t work. So what’s left?

The film starts with a 3,000-year-old back-story that ends with 13 monsters being released into the world. Meanwhile, old turtle friend April O’Neil sets out to find Leonardo who has been training alone in Central America. She convinces him to return to his family, which has been floundering in his absence. Isn’t the profound wisdom of Master Splinter enough to keep these guys on track? Anyways, he does return and after a bunch of squabbling, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles get back down to the business of making money- I mean fighting evil.

I can only guess that this mass marketing machine that lead off with a movie is aimed at youngsters and maybe at those who enjoyed the cartoons, movies and games from the last time these four were set upon the wallets of impressionable children and their helpless parents. There is nothing new to offer, here and what is re-hashed wasn’t interesting the first twenty times we saw it in movies exactly like this one.

Director: David Yates

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Gary Oldman, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Imelda Staunton, Michael Gambon, Matthew Lewis, Evanna Lynch.

It’s here! It’s here! With the long awaited book #7 on the verge of release, Harry Potter mania was at frenzy level when this movie, based on book #5 was released. It may be the adolescent girl in me, but I am a Potter fan. I have read all the books (okay, okay, yes, more than once) and book 5 is my favorite, so my expectations may have been a tad high going into this one, but this is the weakest of the Potter movie efforts, thus far. Although, still an enjoyable film, the editor’s knife was a little sharp here. Although, it is already just over two hours, this is the longest Potter book and has been made into the shortest Potter movie. The result, in some spots, are short, almost choppy scenes that seem more suited to the trailer than the main feature. If Yates had put in another half hour or so, this effect may have been eliminated. The story is good, however, and the young cast is improving. The effects are good but also missing are the slow tacking shots that gave Hogwarts much of its wonder.

Harry, Hermione and Ron are all back and times at Hogwarts are hard. The Ministry For Magic is denying the return of evil incarnate, Lord Voldemort, and is out to discredit both Harry and Dumbledore who is played by Michael Gambon, like he has never read the Potter books. The Adult characters have formed a secret society (The Order of The Phoenix) to combat Voldemort’s followers, the Death Eaters, while Harry and friends prepare to defend themselves in these dangerous times, and battle against the new ministry-approved (and anti-Harry and Dumbledore), Hogwarts presence, Delores Umbridge (played very well by Staunton), by forming a secret defense against the dark arts club. The characters are getting older and teenage romance is here, as well. it is in these areas that Yates seemed to want to save the most time, and his method is the use of montages and short, quickly cut scenes. This hurts the end product, but it is difficult for me to gauge how this affects non-Potter readers’ ability to follow the story.

Potter fans will support this film, of course, and enjoy seeing another book brought to life on the big screen. The story here is darker and more about conflict than mystery. The growing numbers of characters compete for screen time, but it’s still an entry in a top-notch fantasy adventure series. I’m sure that many of the legions of Potter fans will take issue with any criticism and I certainly have been critical here. This is still a good movie. I just can’t help thinking how much better it could have been.

Director: Robert Shaye

Starring: Chris O’Neil, Rhiannon Leigh Wryn, Joely Richardson, Timothy Hutton, Rainn Wilson, Kathryn Hahn, Michael Clarke Duncan

The Last Mimzy is a slow moving, overly complex attempt at an E.T. style family drama that somehow ended up with a PG rating. The acting is fine, with the two young leads doing a good job, but the story unfolds slowly and never manages to generate enough tension or humour (there is really no humor that I recall) to hold the viewer’s attention as it does so. There is nothing to draw this effort out of the crowd of films striving for the family film buck

Noah and Emma Wilder are a young brother and sister (Neil and Wryn) who find a mysterious box during a family beach outing. Items in the box soon show themselves to have (and give) abilities to the youngsters, as their parents (Richardson and Hutton) gradually grow concerned. They are not alone in taking note of these changes. Noah’s science teacher, (Wilson) along with his Tibetan Buddhist fiancée (Hahn) get involved, as well as government forces led by Nathaniel Broadman (Clarke). As you may have guessed, having this many characters any real character development and focusing on fewer characters with better dialogue would have improved this film.

If you took Phenomenon and crossed it with E.T., that would give you some idea what to expect here, but without a tighter script it is not worth renting unless one of your kids is holding the box and looking at you like the waterworks are about to start. This movie is so mediocre that I had to struggle to remember it long enough to write a review.

Director: Brad Bird

Starring: Patton Oswalt, Ian Holm, Lou Romano, Janeane Garofalo, Brian Dennehy, Peter O’Toole, Brad Garrett

Pixar (The Toy Story people, for you cave dwellers out there) has scored another animation hit with this uneven, but still enjoyable feature about a rat who dreams of becoming a chef. Well, safe to say that we have an original idea there. The animation is, of course, superb, regardless of whether we are watching a surging storm drain, precise human hand dexterity or the Paris cityscape. There are several sub-plots going on and a little more focus would have been of some help here. There are also several overly long scenes of rats scurrying away from dangers that get a little wearisome, but a fairly charming story does emerge soon enough.

This movie surprised me with a funny, little, seven-minute short feature, called Lifted, which was about an inept alien screwing up an apparent human abduction test. This was a nice start and lead up to the main feature, in which Patton Oswalt reads the part of Remi, a very bright rat, who is also gifted with a very powerful sense of smell. This prevents him from enjoying the usual rat fare of, well, mainly garbage. Remi, who also knows how to read (this really is one talented rat!), learns about cooking from the book of the late, great, French Chef Gusteau. After escaping a shotgun swinging senior, as well as other dangers, Remi finds himself teaming up with a lowly, clean-up guy, Linguini (read by Lou Romano). With Remi’s talent and Linguini’s more acceptable kitchen presence, the two soon form a team that takes the Paris restaurant world by storm. Linguini finds love, while Remi finds a perfect soup, but there are complications aplenty, including the evil Head Chef, Skinner (well read by Ian Holm), who has an interest in seeing the young boy fail. Peter O’Toole, as well, does a great job reading the small, but important part of the feared restaurant critic, Anton Ego. The story, which takes a little time to get rolling, is quite warm and enjoyable, is capped off with, of course, a nice feel-good finish.

Well, if nothing else, this film could be used as a recruiting tool for culinary school, but that shouldn’t be necessary, since, besides glorifying the art of cooking, it should be enjoyed by all ages. I found issue with a very brief scene that showed a gun being used in anger in a domestic setting (besides our Shotgun Sally senior mentioned above). I found this scene to be completely out of place and inappropriate. I don’t understand why it was included. Ratatouille also has few less giggles than I hope to see in a feature of this type, but does serve up a very heart-warming story with a tiny, side dish scene about critics (like me), who create nothing and only attack those who do create. On behalf of critics everywhere, I take issue with this completely unfair assessment of the critic’s place in society! Let me just make a few points in our defense. First of all, I’d like to say….ummm…well; I guess I don’t have any points to raise. It’s pretty much true.

Director: Paul Fieg

Starring: Charlie Goldfinch, Grace Conrad, Donna Malone, Spencer Davenport, Lewis Black, Wilmer Valderrama

I am a fun-loving guy. I like to laugh, hear jokes and stuff like that. This is why I often like to see a comedy – even if its bad, it will give me a chuckle or two. Even those aimed at younger viewers are always good for a giggle, or at least a guffaw. Well, not always, I guess. This Home Alone wannabe is as funny as blood on the sidewalk. It has poor acting, a yawner of a story, jokes that are not funny, and a fine selection of stock characters that have been so overused by Hollywood, that the whole movie is as appealling as a commercial that you have seen six times in the last hour. If I have been a little wordy, and unclear, up to this point, let me say succinctly. This movie sucks.

The premise here is that six youngsters, ranging in age from around seven to 14, are flying as unaccompanied minors, when a blizzard strands them at some airport somewhere, where they promptly set out on a mission of mischief that uses a lot of unfunny ideas and drab comic violence (particularly voice changing groin strikes – those are ALWAYS funny, right?) mixed in with toilet humor (Ingenious! Who would have thought of that?). There is an evil airport manager or something, who’s as pleasant as an evening alone with an electric cattle prod and a mentally, deranged convict named Sparky. Now, that’s not as fun as it sounds (never mind how I know!) bu it would probably still make a better movie than this one. I could go on, but I think I have made my point.

It starts bad and it gets worse. It’s not interesting and it’s not funny. The only possible positive aspect to watching this might be a new appreciation for the value of every moment of the precious gift called life.
Maniac out.

Director: Andrew Fleming

Starring: Emma Roberts, Josh Flitter, Tate Donovan, Amy Bruckner, Marshall Bell,

In order to compose these words of wit to inform, entertain and advise all of my loyal readers, I have to see almost every movie that comes out. This means I have to sniff a lot of crap, but the payoff (besides entertaining all of you wonderful readers) comes when I find a gem that I would have surely missed, otherwise. This is such a movie. This is a fast-paced clever and amusing little family film with neat characters; some good understated humor, and an acceptable story.

Andrew Fleming wastes no time here, rocketing out of the gate with a fast-paced opening. Emma Roberts shines in the title role, who is an ‘everyone loves her’ kinda girl with a sixties wardrobe to go with a fifties mindset. The result is a movie that becomes Pleasantville reversed when Nancy moves to LA with her dad (allowing for yet another Bruce Willis cameo). She also has to promise her dad that she will give up sleuthing, but when they move into the haunted house of a murdered movie star, she doesn’t keep this promise for long.

Nancy Drew is a surprisingly amusing comedy that should be a good choice for family entertainment that also reminded me a little of The Brady Bunch movie. The ending gets a little silly, but this is pretty standard for comedies. Its worth seeing if you were already interested, have some bored munchkins, or if there is nothing else of interest to choose.

Starring: Ben Stiller, Robin Williams, Kim Raver, Owen Wilson, Carla Gugino, Dick Van Dyke, Mickey Rooney, Bill Cobbs, Jake Cherry.

Director: Shawn Levy

I am not Ben Stiller’s biggest fan. His stuff is generally too silly for me. This was a monster hit upon release, and I found it to be better than his usual fare. This is an original idea and allows for a full,fast moving feature.

Ben Stiller is Larry Daley, an unsuccessful inventor who has to find a job or risk losing custody of his son. He is given a night watchman job at the local museum, by security head, Cecil (Dick Van Dyke) but it turns out to be a little more than he bargained for when he discovers that everything in the museum comes to life after hours, including a T-Rex skeleton, hundreds of little miniature soldiers of different eras, and, of course, Teddy Roosevelt, played by Robin Williams! There is limitless material here and it gets thrown at the viewer fast and furious. All of this makes for alot of out-of-control action without enough humour or story to back it up.

Stiller fans (and there are plenty of them) will appreciate this effort. Kids and action fans will enjoy for the high-energy lark that it is.

Director: Henry Selick

Starring: Chris Sarandon, Danny Elfman, Catherine O’Hara, William Hickey, Glenn Shadix, Paul Reubens, Ken Page.

Now, Tim Burton has more fans than the New York Rangers. I know this and I know that most of them love this clever, animated musical with a simple story set in a wonderfully, unique world. So, I guess Mr. Burton will be fine without my support. I didn’t like the dark, offbeat look of this film, nor did I enjoy the operatic, musical style and the childish, fable-style story did not hold my interest.

Jack Skellington, the King of Halloween Town, sets out on walk on one restless day and discovers Christmas Town. Enthralled and excited by this new idea, he sets out to create Christmas in Halloween Town. He finds supporters and resistors, but when he decides to have Santa Claus kidnapped to help his understanding of this special day, soon things get out of control and go to pieces on him.

I understand and appreciate that many people adore this effort as one of their favorite films, but I can’t share their opinions. Perhaps my sense of wonder and playful imaginativeness was beaten out of me as a child, but while, I recognize, and appreciate, the fine craftsmanship and creativity that went into making this much beloved feature, it holds no appeal for me. Now, please stop booing and throwing things.

Director: John Whitesell

Starring: Danny DeVito, Matthew Broderick, Kristin Davis, Kristen Chenowith, Alia Shawkat, Dylan Blue, Sabrina Aldridge, Kelly Aldridge

I had hopes that this film was better than I had heard, since I like both Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick, but even their talent cannot save this movie that has a script that must have come from a screenplay clearance bin. It is full of overdone slapstick humor and ridiculous situations that would be okay if they were funny. They aren’t.

Matthew Broderick is a Christmas-obsessed optometrist named Steve Finch, who is known is his little town as ‘The Christmas Guy’. That is, until a new neighbor movies in across the street. Buddy Hall, played by Danny DeVito, becomes fixated with making his Noel-decorated house visible from space. Both men’s families watch in frustration as the two men are drawn into, what is supposed to be, humorous conflict. Its bright, loud, and as funny as the average episode of 60 Minutes. No offence intended to Mike Wallace and crew. I like 60 minutes. Well, every dark cloud has a silver lining, I guess. The best I can offer here is the hot Aldridge twins (who doesn’t have at least a little thing for twins?) from 8th and Ocean, in small roles. Its not much, but its something.

Deck The Halls is one of the most disappointing holiday films that I have ever watched and this is yet another example of my selflessly watching the crap so you don’t have to. Unless this is shown on your flight on the way to Belize for a hot holiday, there is no reason you should have to put up with this.