Real Movie Review-Movie Reviews, Movie Quotes, Movie Trivia

Director: Jay Russell

Starring: Alex Etel, Ben Chaplin, Emily Watson, Priyanka Xi, David Morrissey, Brian Cox

CGI meets the formulaic story of a boy’s relationship with an unusual creature. This has been done with dogs, bears and even killer whales, but has never been done with the Loch Ness Monster until now. The graphics are enjoyable, though the story is a little disjointed and lacks the emotion that these features can deliver (Anyone else seen Old Yeller?). The stock characters are bland, but sufficient, and dialog is standard family film fare.

The story here begins in a modern day Scottish pub with an elderly stranger (Brian Cox) offering the real story behind a famous picture of ‘Nessie’ to a couple of tourists. He tells the story of a serious, water-fearing young boy named Angus (Alex Etel) living with his mother and sister in a country inn along the shores of Loch Ness, while his father is off fighting in WWII. One day while wandering near the Loch, Angus finds a strange egg, that soon hatches into an even stranger little water creature. Angus’ attempt to raise the baby sea monster are complicated by his mother, a regiment of soldiers billeted at the inn and their new handyman, Lewis (Ben Chaplin).

The Water Horse is an ordinary family animal film, where the animal happens to be a mythical creature (Remember Harry and the Hendersons?). If you (or your little ones) enjoyed features like Free Willy, then this is an inoffensive, but ultimately forgettable choice. Nessie fans will probably want to see it, too, and will enjoy the CGI on the creature and the building upon the Loch Ness legend, but for a better choice (for Nessie fans, not family viewing) check out The Incident at Loch Ness.

Director: Mark Waters

Starring: Freddie Highmore, Mary-Louise Parker, Sarah Bolger, David Strathairn, Seth Rogen, Martin Short

The massive success of the Harry Potter movies mean that studios will be scrambling to turn every piece of adolescent fantasy literature into a film trilogy, as soon as possible. Thus, enters the Spiderwick Chronicles based on a series of books by Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi. Director Mark Waters, of Mean Girls fame, does what he can with a formulaic and predictable story set in yet another world where fantastic creatures abound, but humans can’t see them. The visual effects were either rather poor, or trying not to scare their little viewers, but judging by the high level of violence that the film has, I would bet on the latter. The acting is pretty good, including young Freddie Highmore (August Rush) who plays twins.

Recently separated Helen Grace (Mary-Louise Parker), brings her daughter Mallory (Sarah Bolger), and twin boys, Jared and Simon (both played by Freddie Highmore), out to the country, where Helen has conveniently just inherited a grand old mansion. That happens a lot in Hollywood, though I can’t say that I have ever known anyone to inherit a mansion and no money, but anyway, they inherit this house and almost immediately strange poltergeist-type things start happening. Soon enough we find that the cause of these things is a weird little elf-like guy named Thumbletack (voiced by Martin Short) and his concern is over a book written by former home owner, Arthur Spiderwick (David Strathairn). It turns out he has written a guide to all the amazing and magical creatures that live invisibly among us, and this is a pretty important book, so some nasty creatures want to get it.

This is mediocre family fare that some parents may find to be inappropriately violent for younger viewers and borderline boring for their adult escorts. It is cut from the same cloth as things like Stardust and The Golden Compass, but this genre has been overdone lately and has been done better than this.

Director: Zach Helm

Starring: Natalie Portman, Dustin Hoffman, Jason Bateman, Zach Mills

First time director Zach Helm, starts out with his own script and a small, but talented, cast in his attempt to make a light and amusing, offbeat family fantasy film about a magical toy store. Hoffman shines, with the help of his cast mates, but the store, and the story, doesn’t quite manage to impart the sense of wonder that it was going for. More excitement was needed for this imaginative tale to really sparkle.

Molly Mahoney (Natalie Portman) is the manager of an amazing toy store, through which magic flows like a breeze, apparently because of its vibrant and 243 year old owner, Edward Magorium, (Dustin Hoffman)but change is in the air. Molly feels that she should find a more serious job, and Mr. Magorium is interested in preparing his store to be passed on. For this reason, he hires a dry accountant named Henry (Jason Bateman) to put the business in proper administrative order. Watching all this is Eric, a hat-collecting nine-year-old, who seems to be part of the store in some unclear fashion. Meanwhile, the living, breathing store doesn’t seem too pleased about all this upheaval and begins to act up.

Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium plays like a second rate version of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, which was, itself a second rate version of the 1971 original. This film, however, never manages to step out from the recent crowd of family-orientated fantasy films to establish itself as a memorable, potential classic, but instead presents us with a mildly entertaining 93 minute distraction.

Director: Fred Savage

Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr., Paul Rae, Lochlyn Munroe, Richard Grant, Josh McLerren, Telise Galanis,

Eddie Murphy, in an astute career move, ducked the explosion of this bomb by not participating in the sequel to his Daddy Day Care project. Original director, Steve Carr, has also jumped ship and is replaced at the helm by Fred Savage of Wonder Years fame. This film is tired formula throughout, and lacks a good enough story to make it compelling, and enough working jokes to make it funny. All that’s left is a broken-down family dramedy.

Daddy Day Care champ, Charlie Hinton (Cuba Gooding Jr. this time) is off for the summer and is dropping his son off at summer camp, when instead of heading back to town for a summer of relaxation, he ends up taking over the camp with his partner, Phil (Paul Rae), and running it in direct competition with the rich camp next door, run by an old enemy, Lance (Lochlyn Munro). Lance is determined to humiliate his neighbors, so that he can buy the bankrupt camp. Guess what happens next.

Daddy Day Camp is a stale re-hash of a hundred family comedies before it and there will be a thousand more like it down the road. It might entertain the little ones for 85 minutes or so, but any expectations beyond that will be better served by a hike to the video store to rent Meatballs.

Director: Andy Fickman

Starring: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Madison Pettis, Kyra Sedgwick, Roselyn Sanchez, Morris Chestnut, Hayes MacArthur, Brian White

The wrestling Rock is back in the movie biz with this formula family film. The story is as simple as a Dr Seuss book, but more predictable. There are a couple chuckles and a couple sniffles. There is good energy, but the direction could have used more fire, particularly during the football scenes. The Rock does well in the gridiron dad role, and I think that he shows far more potential than the usual athlete/actor crossover guy. If only he could find a really good script….

Dwayne Johnson is Joe Kingman, a self-obsessed star quarterback with an ego that could nudge Donald Trump from the limelight. The Kingman’s moneyed, mad party world is tackled when an 8 year old girl (Madison Pettis), claiming to be his daughter shows up on his doorstep. The story takes a predictable line thorough cookie allergies, bedazzled footballs, and bubble bathes to the end zone, that you expected the whole time. There are some entertaining out takes during the end credits set to ’Hunk of Burning Love’that are worth watching.

The Game Plan is inoffensive light, familiar entertainment, that will probably hold most of its appeal for kids. Football-loving dads might prefer it over pony movies, but I can’t say much more than that.

Director: Jon Turteltaub

Starring: Nicolas Cage, John Voight, Ed Harris, Justin Bartham Diane Kruger, Helen Mirren

The Holiday season is fully upon us with all of its lights, music, food, drink and abundant commercialism. Coming along with our tradition of over consumption during the holidays is a deluge of blockbuster releases, surpassed only by the onslaught of movies in June and July. With a full slate of family friendly holiday offerings and Oscar auditions comes the usual suspects of sequels and long shots. In that last category falls the latest Nicolas Cage effort, National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

Those who know me, know my hesitation with sequels. I am well aware of the ever-growing trend to make a second installment of a movie if the first one made a boatload of money. Whether the original story lends itself to a sequel is inconsequential, as is the presence of a compelling story, or script, or even a good idea. As long as the actors are inked and the machine is moving…it will be made, oh yes it will be made. This is the exact reason that so few movies ever have decent sequels, because most movies should not have sequels. All that being said, this one was not bad.

Nicolas Cage is back as the historian, conspiracy nut and treasure hunter extraordinaire, Benjamin Franklin Gates. This time Ben’s family name, which was momentarily redeemed in the first film, is sullied once again when Ed Harris springs into the picture as Mitch Wilkinson, a southerner who drops evidence on the public that Ben’s great grandfather was the architect of the Lincoln assassination, not the Union army hero as he had been told his whole life. In order to clear his family’s semi good name, Ben and his rag tag band of history teachers must find the fabled “President’s Book of Secrets” which is said to contain all of the country’s great mysteries including, the path to the lost city of gold, the Kennedy assassination and Area 51. If team Gates can find the lost city of gold before they are all arrested for kidnapping the president (long story) the family name will be saved ( how, I am still not sure and somewhat confused). Add to this compelling plot, a rival treasure hunting crew (obviously! whenever someone finds a clue that leads to treasure that has been undiscovered for hundreds of years someone else always discovers the same clue at exactly the same time…or at least decides to start looking) some personal problems, a couple of car chases and some international travel and you have, The Amazing Race. Oops, I mean Tomb Raider. My mistake, It’s the Da Vinci Code. nope, it’s National Treasure 2.

I am poking some fun at the seemingly endless list of these lost-treasure, globe-trotting, quest projects recently dumped on the viewing public, but this is actually pretty entertaining. Justin Bartha is fun as the wise cracking geek sidekick. John Voight is believable as the “head in the clouds” eccentric father. Nicolas Cage is, of course, Nick Cage. The jury is still out on what that really means. Except that he is as up, and down, as a prepubescent romance and talks weird. (he kind of creeps me out – sorry Nic). Harvey Keitel is in this movie, as well, but you would never know it. If you aren’t looking for an intellectual challenge, or historical accuracy, you won’t regret that 7 bucks, or the time spent. It is just corny enough to fit in at Christmas time, just fast enough so that you do not fall asleep and just short enough that you will not need a pee break. Combine Tomb Raider, (without Angelina in a body suit) with Indiana Jones (without the great performances) and anything else with Nick Cage and you will get an idea of what you’re in for.

Director: Matthew Vaughn

Starring: Charlie Cox, Claire Danes, Michelle Pfeiffer, Kate Magowan, Robert De Niro, Mark Strong, Sienna Miller, Peter O’Toole

Director Matthew Vaughn does a fine job with his second feature (his first was the tricky crime drama, Layer Cake), which is a family fantasy fairy tale-style project based on Neil Gaiman’s novel. The premise is rather silly, even for a feature of this sort, but Jane Goldman’s script is good enough to hold interest and give the talented cast enough to work with. The result is an energetic, feel-good, film that should be enjoyed by all ages, though a few scenes might be a bit frightening for young viewers.

Wall is a British village that is notable for its proximity to a wall that is mysteriously guarded, and for good reason, since it leads to a special, magical world. Young Tristan (Charlie Cox) boldly crosses to this world to retrieve a shooting star to prove his love to the village beauty (Sienna Miller), but when he finds the location of the star, he finds not a meteor, but a mysterious, beautiful girl played by Claire Danes. Soon, it becomes clear that everyone wants to capture this celestial visitor, including a witch, played wonderfully by Michelle Pfeiffer and the Princes of the kingdom. Look for De Niro in a different role as a flying pirate and Ricky Gervais in a small role.

This was a pleasant movie that is slightly reminiscent of The Princess Bride, though with far higher production values and a slightly more serious tone. The performances are fantastic, particularly by Pfeiffer and Danes. Sometimes Cox seems overwhelmed by all the talent around him, but he still does well enough. The overall result is a pleasing addition to the family movie library.

Director: Chris Weitz

Starring: Dakota Blue Richards, Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig, Ben Walker, Ian McKellan, Eva Green, Ian McShane, Sam Elliott, Jim Carter, Freddie Highmore

Chris Weitz, who is more familiar with comedies, (like American Pie, which he produced) wrote this screenplay from Phillip Pullman’s popular novel, and then took an unfamiliar position at the directorial helm for this imaginative and fantastically, visual epic. The story, here, feels rushed with too many characters to have any real development and many of them mechanically spill out long back stories. This throws a lot at the viewers, who, like myself, haven’t read the books. I caught some of it, but, since I didn’t give it an exam-cramming effort, all the details here didn’t quite stick. The acting is generally good, but does let down in spots, but the CGI is as impressive as any that I’ve seen.

Dakota Blue Richards is Lyra, a spirited, and imaginative, girl, who finds that she has an important role to play on the alternate universe Earth, where the story takes place. On this world, an evil power structure called the Magisterium, is kidnapping children to properly educate them to be obedient little serfs. The key to defeating this dangerous institution, is a magical, truth-revealing golden compass which Lyra is destined to use. Thus equipped, she joins with numerous allies, including Sam Elliott who is in a familiar role as some kind of old west talking, sky cowboy, and Ian McKellan as the voice of a giant, armored Ice Bear, as she travels north to find and rescue the children.

The marketing machine was in full production when they fired this one out at the Christmas rush, and plastered in our faces everywhere we look, in hopes that they would get the gift of a giant opening weekend. There’s great CGI, but the end result is a mediocre film. I still pick Stardust as the year’s best family/fantasy feature.

Director: Kevin Lima

Starring: Amy Adams, Patrick Dempsey, James Marsden, Timothy Spall, Rachel Covey, Susan Sarandon, Idina Menzel.

Director Kevin Lima, who started out as an animator, takes this clever, entertaining but ultimately formula Bill Kelly script and does a good job of keeping it light-hearted and upbeat, while providing plenty of smiles and ironic humor, that has entertainment value for the whole family. The performers are integral to the success of this feature and they deliver. There are some catchy and corny little tunes and some little twists along the way, plus some cute jokes for all ages.

We start out with an almost painfully animated and clichéd fairy tale that has Amy Adams as Giselle, a beautiful, cheery and song-filled forest maiden who enjoys a close friendship with all the birds and animals. Her life is great but becomes perfect when she meets and falls in love with Prince Edward (James Marsden, best known as Cyclops from X-Men). They plan their wedding, but the Prince’s evil step-mother, Queen Narissa (Susan Sarandon, looking like the Emperor from Star Wars) wants to prevent it and sends poor Giselle to NYC, where we turn to live action. Here, she finds things a little different from her fairy tale world. Things seem a little rough until she meets Robert (Patrick Dempsey) and his daughter, Morgan (Rachel Covey). Soon, however, several others from her animated Utopia, are coming to New York to find her.

This is a warm and entertaining cross between Nancy Drew and a Disney cartoon and is a good family movie choice.

Director: Steve Hickner, Simon J. Smith

Starring: Jerry Seinfeld, Renee Zellweger, Matthew Broderick, Patrick Warburton, John Goodman, Chris Rock, Oprah Winfrey,

I think Seinfeld is the best TV series of all time. Its not even close. It is just the best. So it is safe to say that I am quite interested in anything Jerry comes up with now. What he has come up with here is an uneven punfest, loaded with chuckles and big name and Seinfeld cast cameos. The story is all over the place and parts of the film feel like a kids movie, with enough in-jokes that the grown-ups don’t get bored, while other sections of the movie feel like an episode of Family Guy or The Simpsons. Four people, led by Seinfeld, did the writing here, so that probably explains the pun proliferation and story deterioration. Still, let’s not over think this thing like some art house critic, there are some good chuckles and the kids in the theatre seemed to enjoy it.

Jerry Seinfeld is the real power here and his character, Barry B. Benson is a young bee who just isn’t sure that he is ready to spend the rest of his life in the honey production industry, at least not before a little adventure. He joins a dangerous excursion outside the hive and soon finds himself in trouble and has to be saved by a friendly florist, Vanessa Bloome (Renee Zellweger). Being a polite bee, Barry feels that he has to thank her, despite bee rule #1 – never talk to humans. The two become friends, with some kind of creepy romantic overtones and then decide to go to court to battle for the bees’ right to keep their own honey production. There is a little biology lesson and a fair dark plot turn following this, but I’ve said enough.

I may be flirting with the downfall of society as we know it, but I think Bee Movie is safe entertainment for all ages despite its PG rating. PG? Is the ratings board mad with power or what? Anyway, I digress, but for those of you with an interest the aforementioned topic, check out my review on This Film is Not Yet Rated. Ok, ok the commercial break is over, back to the review. The adult/kids tone is inconsistent, and the story moves forward like spilled milk (its all over the place – keep up with my similes will ya?). Art it ain’t, and there are better kids’ movies, but not this week, so Seinfeld fans can scoop up their little noise machines and be pleasantly distracted for a couple of hours.