Real Movie Review-Movie Reviews, Movie Quotes, Movie Trivia

Director: Kevin Lima

Starring: Amy Adams, Patrick Dempsey, James Marsden, Timothy Spall, Rachel Covey, Susan Sarandon, Idina Menzel.

Director Kevin Lima, who started out as an animator, takes this clever, entertaining but ultimately formula Bill Kelly script and does a good job of keeping it light-hearted and upbeat, while providing plenty of smiles and ironic humor, that has entertainment value for the whole family. The performers are integral to the success of this feature and they deliver. There are some catchy and corny little tunes and some little twists along the way, plus some cute jokes for all ages.

We start out with an almost painfully animated and clichéd fairy tale that has Amy Adams as Giselle, a beautiful, cheery and song-filled forest maiden who enjoys a close friendship with all the birds and animals. Her life is great but becomes perfect when she meets and falls in love with Prince Edward (James Marsden, best known as Cyclops from X-Men). They plan their wedding, but the Prince’s evil step-mother, Queen Narissa (Susan Sarandon, looking like the Emperor from Star Wars) wants to prevent it and sends poor Giselle to NYC, where we turn to live action. Here, she finds things a little different from her fairy tale world. Things seem a little rough until she meets Robert (Patrick Dempsey) and his daughter, Morgan (Rachel Covey). Soon, however, several others from her animated Utopia, are coming to New York to find her.

This is a warm and entertaining cross between Nancy Drew and a Disney cartoon and is a good family movie choice.

Director: Robert Zemeckis

Starring: Ray Winstone, Robin Wright Penn, Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Brendan Gleeson

Director Robert Zemeckis has taken one of western culture’s oldest tales, Beowulf (dating back to before 1000 AD), and applied one of the newest and most technologically advanced film making techniques to this classical epic poem. “Enhanced motion capture” is supposed to be halfway between animation and live action. Zemeckis first employed this system in 2004 with Polar Express, but the technology has improved since that feature. The result, this time out, is a visually stunning epic with some very impressive CGI scenes of monsters and landscapes. The system is still less impressive when it tries to digitize the actors, however. Though, wonderfully detailed, the animation in the human action scenes is often pretty obvious. The strange end product closely resembles a very good cut scene from a video game. Today, when video games are trying to look as close to movies as they can, here we have a movie that seems to be trying to look like a video game. Why? I know, I know. It’s cheaper. I still had to pay full price to see it, though. Anyway, despite the fact that I haven’t been won over by this style, this is a good movie. It is a simple heroic tale with some good action scenes, including one of the best dragons ever put on film.

Little-known Ray Winstone landed the title role here as the legendary hero, Beowulf (though his appearance has been replaced thrugh CGI), who comes to rid a kingdom of its troublesome monster (and undoubtedly one of the worst party crashers ever!), Grendel. Beowulf is a little more shaken when he confronts the creature’s mother, however. She is played by Angelina Jolie (looking amazing, but they gave her character some crazy-looking built-in high heels) and this encounter requires a different approach. Most importantly, he keeps his clothes on (or does he?), which he didn’t when fighting her son – hmmm, that seems a little mixed up. However, he does bring peace to the region, and so when the area’s ruler (Anthony Hopkins) dies, soon after, Beowulf becomes King. However it seems that in lifting the darkness from the land, he placed it upon himself. There is a price to be paid….

Imagine 300 meeting The 13th Warrior (also loosely based on Beowulf) and you will have some idea of what to expect here. There’s lots for action fans to enjoy, and techno junkies will love this new frontier of CGI film work. If you disliked both of the features mentioned above, then this one is probably not for you.

Director: Kevin Munroe

Starring: Mikey Kelley, Sarah Micelle Gellar, Mako, Patrick Stewart,
Mitchell Whitfield, James Arnold Taylor, Nolan North, Laurence Fishburne,

The rental box for this piece of crap should be stamped with a large warning label: ‘For Children Only. May cause vomiting and suicidal thoughts for adults’. Except, of course, that the film’s violence has earned it a PG rating, so I’m not sure if parents would choose this for their kids, either. Well, the Turtles are back in a movie that looks so much like a video game that all it needs is the Sony PS3 logo. The acting is fine with such names as Patrick Stewart as villain, Max Winters and Laurence Fishburne as the narrator. The story is kindergarten simple and the dialog is on a par with the most mediocre Saturday morning efforts. There is less action that you would expect to find and the jokes don’t work. So what’s left?

The film starts with a 3,000-year-old back-story that ends with 13 monsters being released into the world. Meanwhile, old turtle friend April O’Neil sets out to find Leonardo who has been training alone in Central America. She convinces him to return to his family, which has been floundering in his absence. Isn’t the profound wisdom of Master Splinter enough to keep these guys on track? Anyways, he does return and after a bunch of squabbling, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles get back down to the business of making money- I mean fighting evil.

I can only guess that this mass marketing machine that lead off with a movie is aimed at youngsters and maybe at those who enjoyed the cartoons, movies and games from the last time these four were set upon the wallets of impressionable children and their helpless parents. There is nothing new to offer, here and what is re-hashed wasn’t interesting the first twenty times we saw it in movies exactly like this one.

Director: Brad Bird

Starring: Patton Oswalt, Ian Holm, Lou Romano, Janeane Garofalo, Brian Dennehy, Peter O’Toole, Brad Garrett

Pixar (The Toy Story people, for you cave dwellers out there) has scored another animation hit with this uneven, but still enjoyable feature about a rat who dreams of becoming a chef. Well, safe to say that we have an original idea there. The animation is, of course, superb, regardless of whether we are watching a surging storm drain, precise human hand dexterity or the Paris cityscape. There are several sub-plots going on and a little more focus would have been of some help here. There are also several overly long scenes of rats scurrying away from dangers that get a little wearisome, but a fairly charming story does emerge soon enough.

This movie surprised me with a funny, little, seven-minute short feature, called Lifted, which was about an inept alien screwing up an apparent human abduction test. This was a nice start and lead up to the main feature, in which Patton Oswalt reads the part of Remi, a very bright rat, who is also gifted with a very powerful sense of smell. This prevents him from enjoying the usual rat fare of, well, mainly garbage. Remi, who also knows how to read (this really is one talented rat!), learns about cooking from the book of the late, great, French Chef Gusteau. After escaping a shotgun swinging senior, as well as other dangers, Remi finds himself teaming up with a lowly, clean-up guy, Linguini (read by Lou Romano). With Remi’s talent and Linguini’s more acceptable kitchen presence, the two soon form a team that takes the Paris restaurant world by storm. Linguini finds love, while Remi finds a perfect soup, but there are complications aplenty, including the evil Head Chef, Skinner (well read by Ian Holm), who has an interest in seeing the young boy fail. Peter O’Toole, as well, does a great job reading the small, but important part of the feared restaurant critic, Anton Ego. The story, which takes a little time to get rolling, is quite warm and enjoyable, is capped off with, of course, a nice feel-good finish.

Well, if nothing else, this film could be used as a recruiting tool for culinary school, but that shouldn’t be necessary, since, besides glorifying the art of cooking, it should be enjoyed by all ages. I found issue with a very brief scene that showed a gun being used in anger in a domestic setting (besides our Shotgun Sally senior mentioned above). I found this scene to be completely out of place and inappropriate. I don’t understand why it was included. Ratatouille also has few less giggles than I hope to see in a feature of this type, but does serve up a very heart-warming story with a tiny, side dish scene about critics (like me), who create nothing and only attack those who do create. On behalf of critics everywhere, I take issue with this completely unfair assessment of the critic’s place in society! Let me just make a few points in our defense. First of all, I’d like to say….ummm…well; I guess I don’t have any points to raise. It’s pretty much true.

Director: Henry Selick

Starring: Chris Sarandon, Danny Elfman, Catherine O’Hara, William Hickey, Glenn Shadix, Paul Reubens, Ken Page.

Now, Tim Burton has more fans than the New York Rangers. I know this and I know that most of them love this clever, animated musical with a simple story set in a wonderfully, unique world. So, I guess Mr. Burton will be fine without my support. I didn’t like the dark, offbeat look of this film, nor did I enjoy the operatic, musical style and the childish, fable-style story did not hold my interest.

Jack Skellington, the King of Halloween Town, sets out on walk on one restless day and discovers Christmas Town. Enthralled and excited by this new idea, he sets out to create Christmas in Halloween Town. He finds supporters and resistors, but when he decides to have Santa Claus kidnapped to help his understanding of this special day, soon things get out of control and go to pieces on him.

I understand and appreciate that many people adore this effort as one of their favorite films, but I can’t share their opinions. Perhaps my sense of wonder and playful imaginativeness was beaten out of me as a child, but while, I recognize, and appreciate, the fine craftsmanship and creativity that went into making this much beloved feature, it holds no appeal for me. Now, please stop booing and throwing things.

Director: Chris Miller, Raman Hui (Co-Directed)

Starring: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, Antonio Banderas, Julie Andrews, Justin Timberlake, Eric Idle

This is the “third” installement of the now supernova, Shrek Franchise. It places our hero as the Ogre who would be king. The story is that Fiona’s Dad, who after all his self realization in the first two movies seems to be okay with living the rest of his soon-to-end life as the frog he actually is, instead of the human form king he led everyone to believe he was for so long. Shrek is having the same inner struggle he has had in every edition so far, and decides that he cannot be king because he is an OGRE (Ogres are not like cake or Parfait). So he, and the ever present “Donkey”(Eddie Murphy), set off with their new pal, Puss, to find the only other living heir (Justin Timberlake). During the first part of the story, you also find out that Fiona(Cameron Diaz) is pregnant (reinsert Shreks previously mentioned struggle only this time about being a father) and the prince charming is pissed off about not getting to marry a princess and become the next king himself (gift wrapped villian). I don’t understand the whole Charming story line though because from what I remember from the first 2 movies, he was never going to marry Fiona which is really the only way he can become king, but, hey, you need a villain, right?

So, good gets temporarily stomped by evil only to realize that good is not completely finished yet. Look out evil because while you were gloating about your win, good hits you over the head with a shovel. Everyone learns something and they all live happily ever after.

I have to say, I went into this movie expecting it to fall into all the familliar trappings of every sequel, same characters and the same old, tired gags (don’t move dirtbag, I’ll be back, add a few yourself). I was pleasantly surprised. The script was very well done. They did what all sequels should do. Let the storylines and characters develop so that the overall series can progress. I really enjoyed the way they have made “Far, Far Away” and absolute satire of Beverly Hills, complete with “Versarchery” and palm tree lined streets. I also really appreciated the way the relationships have changed and developed without losing the integrity of the original dynamic and without sacrificing the brand. Puss in Boots, who Antonia Banderas portrays brilliantly, has now become the co-sidekick. This allows a combination of hilarious Donkey-Puss gags that will keep the kids occupied. It also allows the main relationship between Shrek and Fiona develop without losing the comic relief. There is also a deeper look into the secondary characters like the portrayal of Cinderella, Snow White and Rupunzel and bitchy, catty, stuffy, superficial Paris Hiltonesque socialites who are all about climbing the ladder of the public eye.


This was a very enjoyable 2 hours. A word of caution to parents who are planning to use this as an escape from their 4 year old: The little ones will not get most of the references and you will spend most of the movie saying “be quiet and sit down” while the kids are saying ” WHAT IS GOING ON?? and where is the DONKEY” The Teens and adults will laugh non-stop at the mature content and never-ending mature references, while younger kids will spend the whole time looking forward to the Bee movie with Jerry Seinfeld that previewed before Shrek started.

Director: David Silverman

Starring: Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith, Harry Shearer, Hank Azaria

After nearly 20 years of television hilarity, the producers of the Simpson’s, the longest running sitcom and pioneer of the now omnipresent animated adult comedy series, have finally decided to make a feature film. My GOD it is about time!!! How it took them this long to realize that people love this quintessential dysfunctional “nuclear family” is beyond me.

It starts with a giant concert that is taking place on a barge floating on lake Springfield. (the concert appropriately sponsored by Duff Beer, Binge Responsibly) After Green Day finishes their set, they make their obligatory “save the environment” statement and nearly get lynched by the overtly socially conscious population of Springfield. It is later discovered that lake Springfield is one of the most polluted places on the planet and Lisa sets out on an eco-friendly crusade to save it. This crusade is met with the same warm welcome that sunk Green Day’s Barge. So with Lisa on a mission and the town telling her to go jump in a lake, literally, Homer, using his brilliant judgment that we have all come to know and love makes a decision that puts the pollution level of Springfield high enough that the EPA feels it is necessary to cover the entire town with a giant glass dome. The town (obviously taking no responsibility for the first 50 years of pollution) does the very American thing and blames the last person to touch it, riots and sends the Simpson’s family into exile. Now Homer must find a way to save the town and win back what little admiration anyone had for him.

Like all of the 300 plus television episodes before it, The Simpson’s movie is absolutely jammed with jokes of all sizes, the super jumbo hit-you-over-the-head slapstick kind, the bathroom humor dick-and-fart-joke kind and then, their famous subtle social commentary satirical kind. The writing is true to form and, even after 20 years, is as fresh as the day they started. None of the characters stray from the paths that Sam Simon and crew placed them on so long ago.
Ever since this series began, some people have had a hard time embracing The Simpsons for several reasons. Some can’t get past the fact that it is animated so they never give it a chance. Others can’t get it through their heads that it is not a kid’s show so they are consistently appalled by the content. The Simpsons is quite simply the best satire of our time and as long as we as a society keep doing stupid things for them to lampoon, it will continue to be absolutely, side-splittingly hysterical. An absolute must-see.

MMM: The Simpsons Movie ****

David Silverman, long associated with The Simpsons, as everything from animator to producer, takes the helm as director (he has directed the TV series, as well) for the big money, I mean big screen version of the popularly-dysfunctional animated TV family. Simpsons creator, Matt Groenig, puts on dual hats as Producer, as well as the lead writer of the largest writing team I have ever seen on a movie. All of the series voice actors are here and all of the regular TV characters put in an appearance, but most of them only get a line or two. All of this creates an 87-minute feature that is more plot-driven than the TV episodes, but is packed with a lot of laughs. The animation is familiar, but more intricately drawn and is brighter with far more vivid colors.

The story is silly, as you would expect, but more focused than in the episodes. Lisa, Bart and Marge all have little subplots going on and drive the main story in some way, but this really is the Homer show. When Homer obliviously turns Springfield into an environmental disaster area (Doh!), President Schwarzenegger decides to trap the town and all of its residents under a giant dome. Homer’s problems are only starting, though. When his friends and neighbors find that he was responsible, the story really takes off.

I will watch the TV Simpsons from time to time, but I am certainly not their biggest fan. However, I have to acknowledge that this big screen episode gave me more laughs than most films. It is packed with funny little lines and images. Most of the series lovers will doubtlessly think that this is the greatest movie since Casablanca (of course, the vast majority of the series lovers have never seen Casablanca), so if you count yourself among the legions of loyal fans, you will likely find this worthy of your time and money. My fear is that its success will subject us to big screen versions of every moderately successful animated TV series in a Hollywood that is increasingly more reluctant to take risks rather than follow green-filled footsteps of the already trodden path.

Director: Robert Zemeckis

Starring: Tom Hanks, Eddie Deezen, Nona Gaye

Robert Zemeckis has a new toy and its called Enhanced Motion Capture. This film is completely digitized and is an impressive achievement, but the end result is just slightly creepy looking. That is not the big problem here, however. The story is flat and try as they might to spice it up with lots of fast-moving, out-of-control wild race scenes, but it doesn’t change the fact that little happens here and that the characters are poorly developed. Tom Hanks is a talented actor, but lacks the high-energy, chameleon ability to pull off the challenge of multiple characters.

An unnamed boy is faltering with his belief in Santa one Christmas Eve and finds himself being invited onto a magical train for a trip to The North Pole. Along the way, he meets a stern, but kind, conductor (Tom Hanks reads both roles) and a clever girl (Nona Gaye). There is not much of a story, here and the whole film lacks impact.

Many people were impressed with this technologically advanced feature, but the accomplishment in that area is not enough. The boring, undeveloped story ultimately results in a disappointing end result.

Director: Ash Brannon, Chris Buck

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Jeff Bridges, Zooey Deschanel, James Woods, Jon Heder, Diedrich Bader,

The animated feature, Surf’s Up started with a unique premise. It is partially a narrative story, and partially a mockumentry. I don’t see many animated features, since I have no vocally gifted, but self-control challenged ankle biters in my home to gently persuade me to make that kind of movie choice. This film, however, is not an unpleasant 85 minutes. It starts slow, but soon offers some absolutely amazing water CGI, a few classic tunes and a decent story, that is interesting enough, but could have used some punching up in the humour department.

Shia LaBeouf (Disturbia) provides the voice of Cody Maverick, a young penguin who dreams of winning the biggest penguin surfing competition of the year. His pursuit of this goal is the chosen subject of documentary makers who interview, him, his friends and surfing fans along the way. This is kinda cool, but is also a disturbing celebration of our media/fame-obsessed culture, but what the hell, its just a kids movie. Anyway, in his travels, he hooks up with a surfing chicken (voice by Jon Heder), is smitten by a beautiful, penguin lifeguard (Zooey Deschanel) and finds both an enemy (Bader) and a mentor (Bridges, who is great, sorta reprising his ‘Dude’ character from THe Big Lebowski) and passes on the message that we should do what we love, because we love it, not because we want to win at it. That kinda struck home with me, sitting here writing my 150th review for free. No tears, please. Just send money.

This is not a bad flick, if you have some bouncy giggle machines that need to be entertained for a couple of hours, or if you really love surfing, I guess. It is just a little z-boysish, which is a good thing, but enough of the chatter, dudes, are we going to hit some waves, or what?